My Daughter’s Graduation Day {A Day of Mixed Emotions}

Hope’s graduation day

The presents are put away, the cake is eaten, and the graduation cap displayed. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl eighteen years ago.  She was our second child full of promise and hope. We lost our first child Kaitlyn at the age of two.  I was only twenty-five years old. We certainly weren’t trying to replace Kaitlyn, but we’re ready to love another.  A poem my aunt wrote says it best about my daughter’s graduation day.

“Gone before you knew her,

She sends her guiding light .

One sister reaching the other-

invisible, yet not to us.

In reverence we remember her.

Your parents’ dream departed.

From their despair they named you Hope

in memory of her empty place.

You took a new path-

daybreak of things not seen

You nurtured your gifts-

curious, studious,

focused and faithful-

a daughter’s dawning light.

On this graduation day

you carry her with you

in the seeds she has sown

You bloomed her in beauty 

we now see displayed.

Her presence flows softly

in your life made new.”

We named her Hope Elizabeth because of the hope and promise she held.  I fell in love with those chubby cheeks and bright eyes. Her smile could light up a room.  Two years later I watched her become a big sister to her brother.

Through the years I watched her grow in height and maturity, wise beyond her years. She always strove to do her best. When your children are little you think it will last forever. Diapers and sippy cups soon give way to book bags, and piano lessons.  You take their picture year after year not noticing the changes that are taking place until someone says, “My how much she’s grown!”

Little by little you try to let go, giving them their independence.  But how do you let go of eight-teen years with someone who has shared your heart and home?

I am excited about what’s ahead in her future.  She’ll be attending a four year University near my hometown. I know she will do well. I can’t wait for her to see all the possibilities that lie before her. My mom gave her an adapted poem from Marian Wright Eldeman. Here is an excerpt,

“Don’t be afraid of taking risks or of being criticized. Be honest. Never give up. Be confident that you can make a difference. Don’t ever stop learning or improving your mind. Slow down and live. Choose your friends carefully. Try to live in the present. Be reliable. Be faithful. Finish what you start. Remember you are never alone.”

  Even though I will always be her mother I feel like our relationship will never quite be the same. Her brother will still be at home, but the family dynamics will shift a bit with her missing. I know the day we pack her up will be an emotional time for me. I want her to know though, that it’s okay to grow up, to become an adult. I want to give her permission to test her wings.  I just hope she never forgets she has someone who loves her dearly, who will be there for her in the ups and downs of life.

I know I have made mistakes in my mothering. What mother hasn’t? I hope she can forgive me for those mistakes. I hope I can forgive myself just as graciously as God has forgiven me.  I hope she will also remember all the good times we’ve had as a family, making memories, and I hope we can make many new memories as she grows into adulthood.

I love you Hope!

Have you gone through a child graduating yet?  I’d love to hear your perspective and thoughts.